ma, what if papa nak kawen lagi satu?

???(amused face) pa, parang kat dapur tu ma belum asah lagi tau!!

eeh knape eh orang perempuan ni bila suami nak kawen lagi satu dia melenting?

eee, i don't know about others, but ma tak suka sharing lah. kongsi laki dengan orang lain cmana tu? jeles giler!

ngada dia ni tau, kite dgn anak baru dua pon selalu tak cukup masa nak spend, asyik kena tinggal lagi berangan nak bini dua.

iye la sebab dah biasa kena tinggal ni la lebih baik awak dapat "adik". bila pa outstation gi KL berhari2, awak tak payah risau makan minum saya, ada orang jaga saya. A, amacam?

our long conversation continues after that. no, never a quarrel kalau me and huby cakap pasal benda ni. whether he is joking or serious. who knows, one day dia jadi orang berada (how rich is rich?) , makan pakai aku dan anak2 cukup terjamin (again, what is enough?), dan mungkin lebih dari cukup untuk kami, boleh tanggung skali mak bapak aku and parents dia... dan dia panjang umur, tercapai juga apa yang dikata nak beristeri dua.

Best kept secret. hehehe...

you know what, yesterday me attend this dinner. i was happily seating and chatting with this ustaz. then from the corner of me eyes i saw HE came in. Baju batik hijau gitu. then suddenly the host came to our table and usher us to fill up those empty seats with those academicians, francais college officer and whoever la,.. i apalagi cecepat angkat kaki went to next table, and damn my feet and damn the seat also, 3 empty chair - me and HE heading to the same table. Aiyah! if i u turn or go to the other table, those frens dah nampak aku nak gi table tu, yela it's next to each other, addduuhhhh... so i chose duduk berselang satu kerusi dengan HE.

nasib baik aku ada modal nak celoteh pasal open house aku tu....which he didn't manage to come for some unknown reason.. i'm trying not to "over the pagar" as if i'm berlagak or somewhat, or else people (read : HE) might think aku ni show off ke hapa la kan.

a lot of times, when i'm near him, big devil (au'zubillahi minasyaitonirjimmmm!!!) will come and makes my head spins, i guess i'm back to the forbidden path or something. certain word that he mentioned, places that he pointed, (same place that we went together during our brief loveship), will remind me of those moments. it's history now lah. but so hard to shake it off yunno....sick la like this.

dulu masa aku memula kawen, pastu dia kawen gak, i always seek chances nak berbual ke apa la, respon him in the meeting, dialled up his ext, my intention were to befriend not more than that,.... eventhough hati luka gila babs sebab rasa dia serasi gila babs dgn aku yg perangai gila2 ni...

(Now i started the history again maahhh!!)
then one day nak naik ofis that morning, kebetulan just me and HE masuk lift. I freeze my tounge and seluruh rongga mulutku daripada mengeluarkan apa-apa bunyi komunikasi. He asked me about something but me answered it selamba badak je.

ok now, dah kuar dari lift.... yeeehoooo maka bertitik tolak dari situ aku burjaya sedikit demi sedikit mengurangkan kegilaan aku nih terhadappp...errrr...hey, i'm no more crazy about him....?!

but last nite aaaa...haiyaaa.... better warn myself that next time jangan nak gatal2 dok dekat dia lagi...

Disclaimer : cerita di atas hanya tujuan lipur lara sahaja. cintaku hanya untuk dia yang telah menggenggam erat tangan tuk kadi melafazkan akad nikah pesona cinta kami. won't budge a little. not a bit.

you? you reading this ah?... aiyaahhh malu laaa... ok lah at least skang you tau camana isi hati i kan. so next time you jangan duduk dekat2 i lah. profesional? tinggi mana tahap keprofesionalan manusia ni you tell me.... kita bukan ahli sufi.. ahli kitab.... no, i tak benci kat you... i berperang dengan diri i sendiri nih.. help me ok? thank you.

RAYA

Raya memang world, sebab kitchen kabinet siap seminggu seblom raya maka kemasle sikit keadaan dapur aku. kalo tak serabai semacam dengan pinggan mangkuk hayun ditambah pulak dgn perangai aku yg lambat nak mengemas. this raya i manage to do langkah berjimat cermat on raya cookies. Bought only 5 kind of them, and hubby's fren has been very generous, banyak dapat kuih raya free, cakes and 2-3 hamper.

Spent a lot on kids. Difficult to find a good merchandise at medium price. Almost RM300 jugak berhabis, they are growing up fast and can't fit those baby sizes anymore, and i have to buy laila's clothes the same size as Hakim. She's growing chubbier each day..... 21 kg ++ at her age / 100 cm height - memang geram le sape2 yang tengok dia mesti nak cubit.

Went to BP to Angah's house. On the way back went to souvernir shop at Air Hitam. i was looking at things when Hakim went missing. Search high and low. At last found him crying outside the building with tons of people looking amused around him. OMG, that scares the hell out of me, so i grabbed his hand gi kat counter bayar toys yang dia pegang, terus balik rumah. How could i be so careless... rasa macam nak nangis and menyesal sangat..... mama so sorry Hakimm...


KERJA

Naik kerja ramai orang masih bercuti. can't do a lot, me just surfing the net, get some recipes that i tried back home, playing games, printed some cross-stitch patterns which i'm stitching now... and yada yada.

Now back on track and there's a long list of "to do" and meeting to attend.


DAD

Getting much better on the health side. But the moods still rocking up and down, making mum cried and confused. We are confused. i don't like this. But knowing him, i won't interfere much. If i could bring mum to live with me.......


FRIENDS

Tonight some frens will come for raya. And now i'm still convincing myself that i can cook nicely for 10 pax, won't embarass my hubby, tidy up the house, do some shopping (kalau duit cukup), and go back home early if the boss permitted me. jenguk what's in store at JUSCO and after that the pots and pans in the kitchen will sing their song...


OPEN HOUSE

Scheduled next week. Right now checking my check list....... u are invited.