you know what, yesterday me attend this dinner. i was happily seating and chatting with this ustaz. then from the corner of me eyes i saw HE came in. Baju batik hijau gitu. then suddenly the host came to our table and usher us to fill up those empty seats with those academicians, francais college officer and whoever la,.. i apalagi cecepat angkat kaki went to next table, and damn my feet and damn the seat also, 3 empty chair - me and HE heading to the same table. Aiyah! if i u turn or go to the other table, those frens dah nampak aku nak gi table tu, yela it's next to each other, addduuhhhh... so i chose duduk berselang satu kerusi dengan HE.

nasib baik aku ada modal nak celoteh pasal open house aku tu....which he didn't manage to come for some unknown reason.. i'm trying not to "over the pagar" as if i'm berlagak or somewhat, or else people (read : HE) might think aku ni show off ke hapa la kan.

a lot of times, when i'm near him, big devil (au'zubillahi minasyaitonirjimmmm!!!) will come and makes my head spins, i guess i'm back to the forbidden path or something. certain word that he mentioned, places that he pointed, (same place that we went together during our brief loveship), will remind me of those moments. it's history now lah. but so hard to shake it off yunno....sick la like this.

dulu masa aku memula kawen, pastu dia kawen gak, i always seek chances nak berbual ke apa la, respon him in the meeting, dialled up his ext, my intention were to befriend not more than that,.... eventhough hati luka gila babs sebab rasa dia serasi gila babs dgn aku yg perangai gila2 ni...

(Now i started the history again maahhh!!)
then one day nak naik ofis that morning, kebetulan just me and HE masuk lift. I freeze my tounge and seluruh rongga mulutku daripada mengeluarkan apa-apa bunyi komunikasi. He asked me about something but me answered it selamba badak je.

ok now, dah kuar dari lift.... yeeehoooo maka bertitik tolak dari situ aku burjaya sedikit demi sedikit mengurangkan kegilaan aku nih terhadappp...errrr...hey, i'm no more crazy about him....?!

but last nite aaaa...haiyaaa.... better warn myself that next time jangan nak gatal2 dok dekat dia lagi...

Disclaimer : cerita di atas hanya tujuan lipur lara sahaja. cintaku hanya untuk dia yang telah menggenggam erat tangan tuk kadi melafazkan akad nikah pesona cinta kami. won't budge a little. not a bit.

you? you reading this ah?... aiyaahhh malu laaa... ok lah at least skang you tau camana isi hati i kan. so next time you jangan duduk dekat2 i lah. profesional? tinggi mana tahap keprofesionalan manusia ni you tell me.... kita bukan ahli sufi.. ahli kitab.... no, i tak benci kat you... i berperang dengan diri i sendiri nih.. help me ok? thank you.